


Rocktite? More Like RockFITE

by UbiquitousSpontaneities



Series: Side Quests and Small Talk [3]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Genre: Crack, Cursing and Pirate Swears, Gen, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Trains, WInd has some wack vocabulary and i will exploit it as much as i can, also railroad swears too, but hey i had fun and i hope y'all enjoy, i went ham guys, looking at you Legend, these techniques probably wouldn't work and at least a few of them are probably dead, unabashed crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UbiquitousSpontaneities/pseuds/UbiquitousSpontaneities
Summary: “Okay, new plan.” Time said, “Anyone else have an idea that doesn’t involve flinging yourself off the train car?”
Series: Side Quests and Small Talk [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1493024
Comments: 8
Kudos: 151





	Rocktite? More Like RockFITE

**Author's Note:**

> the elusive Train Fic™ finally makes an appearance, if you're on the discord i've been talking about it m o n t h s so shout out to Bird for finally getting me to post it. ~~part two should be soon~~ never trust me when i say that lol but i am working on it!
> 
> i hope you all enjoy!!

“What the fuck are these?” Legend’s words echoed through the tunnel, punctuated by a loud, metallic clang. The strange, ladder shaped path dividing the tunnel shuddered from his kick, the grating noise causing many glares to be sent his way. Legend glared back at Warriors, primed to kick it again.

“Those,” Wind said with a grin as he pulled Legend back, “ are train tracks, which mean, we’re in my Hyrule! Also, you probably don’t want to be standing on them.” At Wind’s advice, the few of the group who remain on the tracks scrambled out of the way, before Hyrule sent a quizzical look Wind’s direction. 

“I thought you were a sailor?” Hyrule asked as the others dusted themselves off. 

“I am, but I’m also an engineer! You see, about a year or so ago, Tetra and I, we came across this new continent!” Wind went on, his excited explanation chasing the echoes of their footsteps through the cave. Four shuddered a little, the drastic change in temperature finally catching up to the group. The cave was _cold,_ far more so than you would expect from an underground cavern, unless… The group picked up their pace at the realization that the cold air had to be coming from somewhere, and the increasing light coming from one end of the passage was probably a good place to start.

They had been walking for barely ten minutes when they came across a broken down - well, they assumed it was a train, but considering the fact that literally none of them had ever seen one, and they only had Wind’s excited ramblings to go off of, they weren’t quite sure - lying listlessly on one half of the tracks. As soon as he spotted it, Wind lit up and practically leapt forward to right it. Seemingly satisfied, he hopped on top of it. It was little more than a slab of planks with wheels on it, but the jagged edges suggested it had had a roof at some point in its life, and quite worryingly, it had been rather violently torn off. It wasn’t an engine car, much to Wind’s disappointment, but between the nine of them he was sure that they could jury rig _something_ to get them moving. It was better than wandering aimlessly through the caves, something they were all understandable weary (and wary) of. 

Wind excitedly waved the others forward, blissfully ignoring the looks of concern that he received in return. Thinking for a moment ( _yes Legend, he_ does _know his face looks weird when he does that,_ no _he can’t control it)_ he clapped his hands excitedly as he turned back to the group. “Sky!”

The Hero in question blinked at the finger thrust in his face. “Yes?” he asked hesitantly.

“You’ve got those Gust Bellows of yours, right?” At Sky’s nod, Wind’s face lit up. “And, Four, you’ve got that jar or whatever?” The shorter hero nodded as well, patting the bag at his side as he did so. 

“Alright then! If you stand here,” he gestured to Sky as he gave Four a hand up. “And I use my whirl wind here, we can turn this varnish into a proper clipper!” Given the blank stares he received from the rest of the group, it was clear they had absolutely no clue what he had just said. _Which was exactly how he liked it._

The group piled onto the train bed, the platform barely large enough to accommodate all nine of them. But with a little wiggling and a lot of cursing, they made do. Sky and Four worked in tandem, and they were off, makeshift train blasting down the track. With a whoop, Wind abandoned his place at the back of the car to practically throw himself off the front. Twilight jolted, reaching out until- 

At the last second Wind caught himself on the bareboned railing that racketed at the front of the car. His laugh of delight echoed through the cave again, a sharp contrast to the dreariness of the moments before. 

“That worked way better than I expected,” he breathed, a wide grin still plastered on his face. The feeling was not mutual though, as evidenced by the looks of shock and terror that he saw reflected back at him when he turned around. Except for Wild, and surprisingly Four’s as well. Their looks of pure glee mirrored Wind’s own, despite Four’s post at the back of the vessel. A tense moment passed, only broken by Warriors’ strained laugh.

“I don’t know what we expected really, he _did_ say he was a pirate.” The group’s tentative laughs were almost lost to the wind as they sped along, but their iron grips on the shuddering platform left them all white-knuckled. In Twilight’s opinion, this was _much_ faster than was strictly necessary (and he was uncomfortably reminded of a certain cannon ride that he had _really_ not enjoyed), but hey, if it got them out of these caves faster, he wasn’t going to complain. But it was clear Legend was. 

Aside from a few stray Keese and some unsurprisingly explicit mutterings from Legend, the next few minutes were rather uneventful. It was a relatively smooth method of travel (well, as smooth as a rickety, literally-falling-apart slab of planks could be), but at least they were moving at a significantly faster rate than before. The others eventually got used to the speed. Well, a little. Twilight still found himself glued to the remains of what had probably been a wall at some point, and it looked to be the same for everyone else. Warriors and Twilight kept a tight grip on Four and Sky’s tunics respectively, and the rest remained crouched. All except Wind that is, who insisted that he was perfectly safe at the front of the car, and that if he wasn’t, who else had the proper experience as a hog head? (Twilight still had no clue what that meant, though it seemed like Wind took immense joy from that).

The uneventfulness was soon to come to an end though, as it was wont to do with this group. No less than a couple minutes after they got themselves situated, an eerie silence settled over the cave. Shortly followed by a shattering crash echoing in its absence. The group’s collective jolt shook the platform, nearly derailing it again as they reached for their weapons. A second later, an enormous crab-like beast burst through the wall, just barely missing the group’s train car. 

“Oh, that is one nasty son-of-a-biscuit.” 

Wind’s strange expressions aside, the group sat in shock for a second, gaping at the creature as it shook itself off and turned its attention towards them. It was _huge,_ 3 stories tall if it was a foot, and it barely missed scraping the the soaring roof of the cave with every move. With a start, Sky and Four redoubled their efforts anew to get the ‘train’ moving again, and as the momentary shock came to an end, the beast finally spotted them. And oh _joy_ , the mass of tektites that had swarmed out of the hole after it sighted them too. _Wonderful._

“Oh, not _again,_ ” Wind cried as their car flew along the track, barely seconds ahead of a swipe of the beast’s claws. 

“What in the world happened to that Gohma?” Hyrule asked, almost fumbling the arrows he fished out of his bag.

“It’s a Rocktite, and… we may have a small problem,” Wind said with a wince. 

“Not the biggest issue right now, tell us how to beat this guy!” Warriors shot back, sending a furtive glare towards the front of their makeshift train car, where Wind had practically glued himself to the railing. “Didn’t you say you’ve fought it before?” Four and Sky continued to frantically pump their Gust Jar and Bellows respectively, while the rest of the group remained crouched behind the shattered remains of the car’s walls. 

“That _is_ the problem War’, ” Wind crouched to dodge a tektite that had somehow launched itself over the car. “Last time I fought this bastard, I had a fucking _cannon._ Don’t happen to see one here now, do you? Now, we’ve got to think of something fast, or we’re going to scuttle faster than you can say-” The beast roared again, dislodging a new round of rockslides and drowning out the Heroes’ cries of dismay.

“Cannon… cannon,” Legend mutter, as he scrambled through his pack. “I think I may have something…” The few whose hands were free did the same, but a glint in Wild’s eyes and a spark of inspiration in Warriors’ were swept aside as Legend brandished a fire red cane. The limited light glinted of it’s surface as they sped along. 

“Here goes nothing,” Legend said, shoving Wind to the side as he aimed his hookshot off the front of their “train.” 

“Here goes _what_?” Hyrule practically shouted, struggling to be heard over the frantic gusting of wind beside him. In a single, fluid motion, Legend sent the hook hurtling off into the distance before them, the cane - whatever it did - primed to fire in his off hand. As they and the beast approached, the momentum propelling him forward suddenly reversed, arcing the hero back towards the charging beast. With a violent spark of red and orange, Legend’s cane flung a massive block of solid magic towards the beast’s massive, taunting eye. 

With a screech, the beast paused for a single, pregnant moment before beginning its chase anew, thoroughly enraged. 

Legend’s face fell, as did his body, as his hookshot’s grip on the rock above failed and left him to fall to the ground below in a jumbled mess of limbs and hurt pride. Luckily enough, he miraculously landed on the car again, although it was directly on top of Warriors. 

With a rather undignified amount of squirming and a number of hissed curses from multiple parties, the car sorted itself out again. That didn’t last long however, as they were still being chased by a massive spider-like beast with an unfortunate propensity for the destruction of train cars, not unlike the one they were currently traveling on. “Okay, new plan.” Time said, “Anyone else have an idea that _doesn’t_ involve flinging yourself off the train car?”


End file.
